“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” - Vincent van Gogh

RANDOM POETIC PHRASE GENERATOR

"a room of silver" "star almost shining" "bottomless bed"

I fall into a room of silver, slipping
slowly into a pool of nothingness
inaudible, invisible, senseless,
Staring up at the dark night sky,
stars sprinkling, twinkling, talking
communicating with one another.
I am a star almost shining,
trying to be a part of the beauty
of the mesmerizing night sky
falling instead into a a bottomless bed
of being "almost" shining, fading,
almost always "almost" a part of something beautiful.

The Summer I Turned Eleven

On a cloudy, gloomy summer afternoon,
a girl, who was ten, turned eleven.
She celebrated her birthday with her closest friends
jamming out to the Backstreet Boys,
Hillary Duff, and of course Britney Spears,
munching on Flavor-Ice popsicles,
being rambunctous like eleven year olds do.
Running around the basement, then the house,
tearing it to shreds with their various shenanigans..
The mother, decided they would make chocolate
in pretty colors with various shapes,
a fairly safe activity, you would think.

You can't put twisty ties in the microwave
everyone knows that, except for the birthday girl.
Sizzle! Crackle! Spark! Hiss! SCREAAMMM!
Girls run away like the microwave is going to attack.
The birthday girls hides behind the couch,
hoping the monster doesn't get her,
while everyone runs outside in the rain.
But one friend remains oblivious to the situatuon
until she looks up, not once, but twice,
does a couple double takes,
and realizes there's...fire? FIRE?!
Soon the house is empty
except for the mother
who turns the microwave off.
There's no monster to run away from anymore.

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Magnetic Poetry

(This was...interesting to say the least...also very frustrating.)

Insight into a discombobulated mind

Today is the perfect day to blog about how my life is going...I have so much on my mind, and it would be nice to let it all off without feeling like I'm burdening someone or complaining.

I hate days like today. It's cold, rainy, gloomy, and I don't really have anything to look forward to. Some people like rainy days. I don't understand why. You have to stay inside, it's humid, and cold. Why would you like a day where there is no sunshine and you can't go outside?

It's not that I've been having a bad day, exactly. Just a blah day. I've been having blah days lately. I feel like everything that's happening is out of my control and that it would be nice to have control over something.

Here's the problem: I'm a likable person. (Why is that a problem?) Well, people like me, but they don't necessarily want to be my friend, or do things with me. They just want me when no one else wants them. They wouldn't stand up for me if the situation occured. Sometimes, I'm okay with that, but sometimes I feel lonely. There are two people who I can count on to always want to be with me, but, even then...they have no control over whether or not they can see me. And neither do I. I love spending time with my brother. Especially now that we're older, he's become one of my best friends. He always wants to do something with me, as long as I ask. And then, there's Josh...he is my boyfriend, but it feels weird calling him that. He is one of the best friends that I've ever ever had. He wants to spend time with me. I like being able to see him at school every day and holding his hand and knowing that he's not embarassed to be with me. He likes being with me. Except...his parents are strict...and they don't realize that when they say "no" just for the sake of saying "no" that it affects more people than just him. It's not that they don't like me (I think), but...I just don't understand them. I've done nothing to disrespect them, or prove that I would ever seriously hurt Josh in any way. Maybe they're just protective of him because they love him. And I know they do - they're his parents, of course. But I just can't figure them out. Maybe I'm just out of sorts because he hasn't been in school, he's been sick. It's just those daily little things, daily routines, that I rely on, that keep me going. It's good that he makes me happy, right? Of course, he makes me crazy sometimes too, and I don't understand half of the things he does, but when he tells me that he loves my my heart just melts and I know that I love him too - there's really no question in my heart about that. The little things that make us, us, are what make me happy. And when things get all out of sorts, I don't necessarily have a good day. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Maybe I'm just too sensitive to change. But, who cares? I'm me, and I wisht that some people could see that I have no control over how I feel, how I act, what I say, when I go crazy or get paranoid. Not that it really matters. I'm pretty good at being invisible.

Life is about to change. Big time. And I'm not sure I'm ready. Sure, I'm ready to graduate, and I'm convinced that I'm ready for the responsibility of being an adult. However...I'm not ready to grow up. I don't want to lose my innocence, my youthfulness. It seems like that when people grow up, they lose the appreciation for the little things in life. Simple things. Things you wouldn't really notice, until they're gone. Things like watching a puppy sleep, or cuddling with someone you love, or someone giving you a hug when you're down without saying anything, the way the sun looks when it sets, the way the sun shines a little brighter when you're having a good day, they way you feel when you hear that perfect song on the radio, seeing your significant other and being able to give them a good morning/night kiss or holding their hand - squeezing it for encouagement...oh, I could go on, but...you get the point. I would never be able to give all those little things up. Sure, they're little, but they're what keeps me going throughout the day. Going to college is going to change everything, being a thousand miles away from my family, my friends, from Josh. I'm strong, yes, so I can make those sorts of relationships work. But, honestly? I'm terrified. And I hate admitting that. And I hate admitting that I need help accepting the fact that I'm growing up, and I don't want to be. And I know that Josh and I both have to leave and go our seperate ways, but he just makes me so happy, and if he goes to the Air Force Academy, I don't want everything to fall apart. Long distance relationships are hard as it is. But military life long distance relationships? Half the time I find myself thinking, "How in the world is it going to work?" But then I think some more, or he'll encourage me, and...then I think "Well, love is strong enough to get through anything, isn't it?" If we can't count on love to get us through that, then what can people count on?

It's not that I'm a control freak - I'm really not. It just gets overwhelming to feel like my own life, my own feelings, are out of my control.

Wow, I wrote so much more than I meant to, and I have so much more on my mind. I feel a little better though.

Good Morning?

“Good Morning?”

The day starts with, “Good Morning!”

If only a good morning was true.

A crowd, in the kitchen,
grouchy early birds, all rushing,
an endless potential for disaster.
My brother snatches a pop tart,
choosing not to get involved,
avoiding the path to catastrophe.
Slowly pouring myself a bowl of Lucky Charms,
I prefer to take my time,
while Mom is assembling a breakfast of her own.
I reach for a spoon, knocking eggs out of her hands,
the eggs colliding into the floor in slow motion.
Two broken eggs, four wide-eyes, a disgusted sigh,
me, rushing, to clean up the mess I made.
If mornings were good,
days and nights would be, too.
With a combination of spilled milk,
grumpy family members, broken eggs,
a destination to hurry to,
Good mornings do not happen,
messes and crashes do.

Picture poem

“March 25th, 2000”

Five people, a single moment captured.
The moment before everything changed.
For better, for worse, everything is always changing.
For that single moment, we were perfect, carefree, happy.
Four best friends, a tag along little brother,
moments those four young children couldn’t possibly cherish.

A dark haired talkative little girl
with whom I shared my best laughs,
my best jokes, my best smiles.
A girl who would grow up to be
a Florida girl, never losing her qualities of
optimism, constant laughter, and the ability
to charm anyone who crossed her path.

A red haired child with silly sunglasses and a pink hat
continues to share her uniqueness with me
as we both grow up and move on
to different locations, different stages of life,
different people, different memories.
Going from sharing every moment
to having seven-hundred miles separating us,
changing us, as all distance does.

A military son, he was used to the change.
Moving from place to place was what he knew.
Change, of course, should have been expected,
but expectation does not prevent acceptance.
Best friends, a second grade puppy love,
and then suddenly it was gone.
Like he always did, he moved on, and it seemed that
I was left without a best friend, without my “other half.”

Friendships change, people change, lives change,
moments change, personalities change, ideas change,
everything changes, out of anyone’s control.
Change from day to day, hour to hour, second to second,
Good change, bad change, indifferent change,
all change is opportunity to change with the change
making up rules as you go along on the ever-changing
adventure humans define as “life.”

"Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower." - Hans Christian Anderson

"Life: A How-To Guide"

Dance to the Hoedown Throwdown like you actually know how it goes.

Boom and clap and move side to side. Pop it, rock it, polka dot it.

Sing karaoke somewhere, anywhere. Belt it out like no one is listening.

Practice in the shower, if you must.

Spend a day or two, or three, with your best friends.

Sleep in tents, forget about cell phones, computers, and Ipods.

Watch the sunset, stay up all night, have a campfire, watch the sunrise.

If it rains - dance in it. Forget about how you look, just smile.

Offer someone new, words of wisdom, freshly baked cookies,

hugs, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a back rub, or a smile.

Fall head-over-heels in love with a boy who protects you,

knows how to make you laugh, and is not afrad of your father.

Learn to love Mondays. (And Tuesdays. And Wednesdays.)

Eat a pint of ice cream while crying and watching "The Notebook."

Spend a day eating what you want, free of pressure to be more like them.

Try not to look at your reflection for a day. Focus on your feelings, not looks.

Do things because you want to, not because you "should."

Learn a foreign language. Find the cure for sadness and suffering.

Watch every Disney movie. Live a fairytale. Be in two places at once.

Start a trend. Travel the world. Go to church. Learn to believe in yourself.

Set out on a spontaneous road trip to nowhere, discover yourself.